ok,  This is the first blog that I have ever done.  I think it will be a good thing for me to just sit and write and whatever comes is the topic. Today i sat down to read  book on Thin with Spirit.  There was a part that asked a few questions, seemingly benign.  However, as I answered them I found that in spite of all the spiritual work that I have done throughout the years there were some profoundly sad spots still left in there.  Things that I dont dare to speak outloud for fear that they will be true.  Guess what, they are true for me and before they can go away I have to say them outloud, recognize them and then i am able to know that they are not the turth of me but part of the story I have been telling myself internally without even knowing it. I thought by not going there it woud not be true but just the opposite is a fact.  i feel suddenly free and lighter.  There is more to be done but its all out in the light.  It's those hidden things that I try to ignore and keep in the darkness that jump up and bite me in the ass.  lets see how consist I am with this.  i have been wanting to write a book, and really say all that I have inside to say for so long.  Maybe this is just the start that I need.  I often wonder what others really think about me.  No one ever tells you the truth because they are stuck behind what they have learned about not hurting ones feelings or just not wanting to go there out of their own fears about how they will be judged.  It always amazes me that you can practically beg people to talk to you truthfully, give them full permission to tell you the truth and even try to drag it out of them and still it is elusive.  What can't we all just be honest and move away from the fear of judgement and whether or not someone will like us or not?  Scary thought huh?

My life today is really filled with great friends yet I wonder how honest I am with them.  I know that I don't really have many judgements around who they are or their behaviors.  What I do have is the ability to see beyond the behaviors.  Sometimes I can see so clearly what is going on for someone else and yet unless I have permission to talk about it there is nothing that I can say or do even if I see danger either emotionally or otherwise.  It is their life their choices and their picture of their lives that they are creating.  What I can do is just hold the higher truth that we are all connected and love them for that higher self that they are and our divine connection to one another.  It doesn't mean that I am blind to what is going on in front of me or that i don't have to use decernment in making choices about who is in my life or who I choose to spend my time with.  That is my freedom of choice.  I really want to support the greatness in everyone but if someone is not even consciousness of the fact that there is greatness within them all I can do is to be that and be an example of what I believe.  That's a full time job in itself.  Wow!  That's a mouthful  Where did all that come from ?  I remember when I used to be a hair dresser in the 80;s  and I would watch another stylist who by the way wasn't really that great put hairstyles on women that were atrocious.  He would tell them how fabulous they looked, stroke their egos and vanity whirl their chair around and send them off saying of thank you thank you thank you.  I used to wonder if they were blind or what. I wanted to say, excuse me but have you really looked at that in the mirror.  You can't possible think it looks good.  But then i just let it go and continued to be amazed at the human mind and how it works.  Now i wonder what happened that made them so willing to be believe what he told them.  When did they stop seeing themselves and deciding what they thought looked good and what worked for them.  I believe all people are beautiful in one way or another and to me the hair was just supposed to enhanced that beauty not be a separate entitiy all by itself as though it had a life of its own.  There was always the hairstyle of the day.  The Dorothy Hamil or the Farah Facitte.   it didn't matter if they didn't have the hair nor the face for it they just wanted to look like that person as though the hair would change eerything about them.  Some of them would have been enviable with their own designs and the courage and confidence that it brings.  Hmmmm this stream of consciouseness writng is a trip. It's taking me on quite the wide path to......don't know yet

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